


Five Times Randall Came Up With Vermish Theories And One Time It Got Confirmed

by roguelightning



Category: The Order (TV 2019)
Genre: 5+1 Things, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:22:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26566507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roguelightning/pseuds/roguelightning
Summary: It's not like he ships them, he insists. Still, Vermish is a thing and he will do everything in his power to convince the rest of the pack of this.
Relationships: Hamish Duke/Vera Stone, Lilith Bathory & Randall Carpio & Hamish Duke & Jack Morton
Comments: 6
Kudos: 50





	Five Times Randall Came Up With Vermish Theories And One Time It Got Confirmed

“My pals, my dudes,” Randall insisted, earning himself a glare from Lilith. “Whatever, you know what I mean,” he shrugged. “Are we not going to talk about the fact that Hamish’s vest was in the vault? As in you know, the super spooky vault we’re trying to break in? The one you can’t get in unless you’re holding hands with someone who is at least a Magistratus?”

“You don’t know that was his vest,” Jack pointed out. “And even if it was, it doesn’t mean-“

“That Vera ripped it off him while she was fucking him?” Lilith asked with a shit eating grin. “One, it’s his vest alright, I had the chance to get a good sniff of it and it totally smelled like him. Two, he calls her _Vera._ How many people get to do that and live?”

“Thank you,” Randall said as he raised his beer can at her. “I knew you’d see it my way.”

“I call her Vera too,” Jack shrugged. “And I’m not fucking her.”

“One, ewh, and two, thank God,” Randall replied with a small shudder. “Hamish on the other hand…”

“I still don’t see it,” Jack protested. “Last year when I was in the whole Alyssa mess, he said he could never be with someone on the other side. He wouldn’t do this to us.”

“Fine, you want proof, fair enough,” Randall said with a grin. “I’ll give it to you.”

***

Sadly, jack wasn’t the only one who didn’t appreciate his shipping theories. What was worse was that Vera really hated them, and this is how he had got assigned to cleaning the altar after calling her Hamish’s girlfriend. The fact that she had also punished Hamish did little to lift his morals.

“You could have stopped this,” Randall said with a glare as he rubbed the blood of the altar. “But no, you had to take her side, as always.”

Next to him, Hamish pretended he was very focused on cleaning a particular spot. When he saw Randall had stopped moving and was glaring at him, he added, “I’m sure she had a very good reason to punish us.”

“I’m sure she had a very good reason to punish us,” Randall mocked him. “Look, I don’t care you two have kinks with cleaning and all that, but next time tell your girlfriend to leave me out of this.”

“Maybe next time you don’t call her my girlfriend,” Hamish sighed. “This is what pissed her off the most. Well, and the fact she’s still a tad pissed about the whole us robbing her thing.”

“You mean taking our stuff back from her,” Randall spat at him. “Also, what kind of blood is this? Takes ages to clean it up. Also, it stinks.”

“The kind of blood that is easier to clean if you focus on scrubbing it off instead of chatting,” Vera spat at him as she entered the room and sat herself on a chair behind Hamish.

“Are you going to stay there and watch us?” Randall asked with a glare.

“I’m going to enjoy the view,” Vera said with a smug grin on her face. Randall didn’t fail to notice that by the view she mostly meant Hamish, who was currently bent over the altar, giving her what was probably a delicious look of his backside.

“She’s totally checking you out,” Randall whispered and for a second, he thought Hamish hadn’t heard him. But then the older werewolf picked up the pace of his cleaning, his hips thrusting in the altar a bit as he bent all over it, seemingly to clean a spot that was on Randall’s side.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Randall whispered and Hamish grinned at him.

“I’m getting us out of here,” he said with a smirk. As if on cue, Vera got closer to him, her eyes travelling up and down his body.

“You’re taking too long,” she said on a disappointed tone. “ _Purgatur_ ,” she added and with a wave of her hand the altar was clean. “Now get out of here before I change my mind.”

“Dude, I knew you were hot for teacher, but the teacher being hot for you? I low key admire that,” Randall grinned.

“Shut up,” Hamish warned him, but Randall was having none of it. Luckily, Vera interrupted them.

“Not you, Mr. Duke,” Vera said and Randall could have sworn she licked her lips at that. Hamish stopped in his tracks, a smirk on his face as he turned to her. “Yes, Grand Magus?” he asked.

“Ooooh, _Mr. Duke_ ,” Randall mocked him, sadly not quietly enough for Vera to miss it.

“Do you want me to change my mind, Mr. Carpio?” she asked on a cold tone.

“No, Grand Magus,” he sighed as he left and Vera closed the door behind him, leaving Hamish alone with her. But that was fine, because Randall had to go back to the den and tell Jack all about this.

***

More than two weeks passed without Randall being able to provide them with anything but a very farfetched tale about altar cleaning Jack had assumed he made up, so Jack thought he had given up with the whole shipping thing. It wasn’t until the three of them got out of a fight in their werewolf form and Hamish rushed to get a robe to cover himself, that Randall sprung into action. Hamish had almost missed helping them, but he had still come, to his credit, and that was enough for Jack. Not for Randall, though.

“One second, Ham-bone,” Randall said, catching his hand right before he had the chance to fasten his robe. “What’s that on your belly?”

“What?” Hamish asked, suddenly defensive, but it was too late. Randall had already snapped his robe open, barely giving him time to cover the rest of himself. But the Knights didn’t seem to care about that, their eyes fixated on the red mark that was on his belly, right above his pubic bone.

“Must be a food allergy or something,” Hamish shrugged, his tone anything but convincing.

“Really?” Randall challenged him. “Because that looks a lot like a lipstick mark to me. And I bet you have marks lower than that.” The speed Hamish covered himself with only helped this theory. “Now let’s think about it, hmmmm?” Randall said. “Which one of our… acquaintances wears red lipstick? That shade of red lipstick, to be more precise?”

“One problem with that, though,” Jack said. “This looks like someone trailed their way to a blow-“

“Dude, don’t finish that sentence I don’t need that image in my head.”

“But we can agree on that, right?”

“Yes,” Randall sighed.

“No way Vera is that giving, especially to an acolyte,” Jack pointed out. Hamish had never been more grateful for his friends’ lack of imagination. Randall only glared at him. “Fine, you win this round,” he said.

***

“Let me guess, Hamish isn’t coming,” Randall said with a glare as he threw himself on the couch. It was almost midnight and he would have normally thought Hamish was sleeping at that hour, but he would have bet his ass it wasn’t the case now.

“He texted me that he’s busy,” Jack shrugged. “I guess we’re on our own.”

“We’re always on our own, lately,” Randall spat at him. “But you know what? This ends here.” He took his phone out of his pocket and dialed Hamish’s number.

“Mr. Carpio,” Vera said coldly from the other end of the line and Randall put her on speaker. “This will be good,” he whispered to Jack.

“Grand Magus,” Randall replied on an equally cold tone. “I suppose you don’t care to explain why you’re answering his phone.

“Mr. Duke is busy right now.”

“Yeah, he texted us that much,” Randall said. “But this is urgent, so if you could just hand him over-“

“Hey, Randall,” Hamish said, his breath uneven. It almost sounded like he was panting.

“If she kidnapped you, say yes,” Randall said, unable to hold a grin.

“No, Randall, no.” They could almost imagine him rolling his eyes at them. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately, and Randall had an idea where he got that from.

“What are you doing?”

“Temple duty,” he said with a dramatic sigh.

“In the middle of the night?”

“Yes, Mr. Carpio,” Vera snapped at him. “This can happen, you know. Maybe next time I’ll call you too if you keep getting on my nerves.”

“That won’t be necessary,” Hamish said, his tone way too confident for someone in his position. “Look, Randall, Ve- I mean the Grand Magus asked me to clean up the altar. Again. Awfully boring, but you know what she’s like. I’ll come later.”

“Actually, if he doesn’t hurry I’ll make sure he doesn’t come for a very long time,” Vera added, causing Randall to almost drop his phone. She sounded impossibly close, like she was breathing in Hamish’s ear as she spoke, her tone somewhere between sultry and scary.

“You heard her,” Hamish sighed dramatically. “I’d better go back to what I was doing.” With that, he hung up his phone.

“What the hell was that?” Jack asked with a dumb founded look.

“That, my friend, is how that meme with _mark me down as scared and horny_ sounds like in real life,” Randall muttered as he threw his phone on the table.

***

“I hate you, for the record,” Jack told Randall. “I was getting pretty desperate yesterday, with Hamish missing and all,” he explained.

“And?”

“And I may have asked Vera if she heard of him.”

“I’m so proud of you,” Randall whispered reverently. “I knew you’d come to see things my way in the end.”

“I didn’t ask it in a shippy way,” Jack said on a defensive tone. “But I figured maybe she gave him temple duty again.”

“Right, because that’s what he does when he goes to her at night. Temple duty.”

“Until proven otherwise,” Jack shrugged. “Sadly she had no idea about him, of course, because he actually got kidnapped and all, but I still thought she’ll be mad at me.”

“That’s hardly the worst thing you’ve done to her,” Randall waved him off. “But tell me, how did she react?”

“It was a bit weird, come to think about it,” Jack said on a contemplative tone. “I expected her to be pissed because I asked, and she was, but then she was like ‘I’m sure he’s fine’, but she sounded a bit worried actually.”

“I was afraid of that,” Randall sighed. When Jack threw him a confused look, he added, “You know when Hamish came back and she asked if everyone was okay? She didn’t give a shit about the rest of us, and he knew it. He was smug as fuck, the bastard.”

“Don’t tell me you want her to care about us.”

“What? No, of course not. Not unless if it’s in a ‘those genius wolves that played me and bested me at everything’ way. But don’t you get it? We have bigger problems than that.”

“Such as?”

“I thought they were mostly angry fucking. Enemies with benefits and all that.”

“And?”

“I’ve seen this happening before,” Randall said on a dramatic tone. “They’ll fall in love, the idiots, and next thing you know our trio’s down to two.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Jack laughed. “Vera Stone and love? She’d need a heart for that.”

“I’m telling you man, disaster’s in the air,” Randall warned him.

***

“You know, Hell isn’t that bad when you get used to it,” Lilith said as she took the drink from Hamish’s hand. “This, however? God I missed it. Zecchia isn’t half a good as a bartender as you are.”

“I don’t know if I should feel honored or not,” Hamish sighed. “I’ve seen her mix beer and wine, so she sets the bar really low.”

“She’s pretty cool, actually,” Lilith shrugged. “I didn’t like her at first, but she showed me around and all.”

“She got us into a shit ton of mess last time.”

“Yeah, but she helped me. Also, she told me she was ticklish, so I had to trust her after that,” Lilith said. “What, that’s sensitive info,” she added when she saw their looks. “She wouldn’t have told me that unless she trusted me.”

“Man, this is so ruining the image I had about her,” Jack laughed. “She’s a demon, but being ticklish? That kind of ruins everything scary about her.”

“Not necessarily,” Hamish shrugged. “People can be both ticklish and scary,” he added, something eerily close to a dreamy smile forming on his face.

“Uh-huh,” Lilith said. “Tell me, Hamish, how many scary people have you tickled lately?” she asked nonchalantly as she took a sip of her drink.

“See?” Randall grinned. “This is exactly why I missed her,” he told Jack, who only glared at him.

“Let me guess, he’s still all over _Vera_?” Lilith asked, a devilish grin forming on her face.

“I’m not all over anyone,” Hamish protested. “It was just a theory.”

“You know how when people die they say they go to Heaven and watch over the ones left on Earth? What if I told you it works the same for the ones who go to Hell?”

“You can see in our realm?” Hamish asked uneasily.

“It’s a good thing they have bleach in Hell, God knows my eyes needed that after watching you two guys,” Lilith shuddered.

“I fucking knew it!” Randall said as he punched the air with a victorious grin on his face. “They’re fucking, aren’t they?”

“Like rabbits. One time they were going at it in the vault and-“

“I made a cocktail in your honor, Lilith,” Hamish sighed. “And this is how you-“

“You did? That’s so sweet.”

“Wait a minute. You watched them fucking but you didn’t watch us? How did you not know about the cocktail?” Jack asked.

“Maybe because I couldn’t see Earth from Hell,” Lilith shrugged. “You should have seen the look on your face, though,” she told Hamish before she burst in laughter.

“Demon,” Hamish spat at her.

“Still proves my point,” Randall shrugged. “So tell us, Ham-tom, what’s she like? I’ll bet my ass she’s demanding as hell.”

“Some of us find this attractive,” Hamish said on a defensive tone. “And anyway, I fail to see how that’s any of your business.”

“She went all 50 shades of grey on you, didn’t she?”

“Maybe? I’m more of a power bottom, though,” Hamish said and this time he was totally having a dreamy smile on his face. Randall was having none of it, however.

“Does she know about the power part or this is just what you tell yourself at night?” he asked, causing Hamish to throw a cushion at him.


End file.
